Crazies Today...Geniuses Tomorrow!

I've been struggling to come up with a topic for a missive. Because the news in Iraq is so bad, the midterm election season is over, and everyone is hunkering down for the holidays, I've had a mental block for a few weeks. However, if you give some of the crazies in this wonderful country a voice, you will soon have something to write about. I just saw this headline in a recent political blog, “A devil food is turning our kids into homosexuals.”

Mr. Anti-Soy, Jim Rutz, wrote, “Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products.”

I am still scratching my head over this one. Mr. Rutz’s contention is that soy products, particularly fed to our children, may be the cause of small penises and homosexuality. All this time I thought repressed and unloving mothers caused small penises. And too many impressionable kids watching Pee-wee’s Playhouse caused homosexuality. Now I know why after having some tofu at a Chinese Restaurant I have an urge to scurry home and rearrange living room furniture!

You know it had to happen sooner or later. Mr. Rutz and his followers had to find a reason for Teddy Haggard’s sinful behavior. It may be Satan. Most likely it is tofu! Chinese restaurant buffets and soymilk in the morning coffee overwhelm burly heterosexual males with too much estrogen! The result? Too many males confused about their sexual orientation. He also contends that soy products cause increases in breast cancer, decreases in fertility and belated male puberty.

I am sure the next logical step in Mr. Rutz’s ever evolving view of the world is to find the cause of liberal thinking. It’s obvious that soy products help muddle the brain. I have been called a metro sexual in the recent past. I guess to protect myself from the feminizing influences of soy, I should stock up on dairy and trans fats! I may not be welcome in NYC. That’s OK with me. New York is the capital of wimpy men with small penises.

I wonder how much tofu is in Rudy Giuliani’s diet?