Precious? You Bet!

A few days ago, I woke up to find several potted plants gone from my little backyard. Most were caladiums and cannas that were looking pretty good! Apparently, someone either crawled under or climbed over our wooden fence to get them. Over the past few months we have been battling against a known plant thief who has been making the rounds stealing potted plants of all shapes and sizes from decks, backyards, and front porches. I left to go grocery shopping at Findlay and returned to discover more caladiums and cannas gone. During my time away the botanic burglar made a command performance and taken the last of my summer finery!

Naturally, I called the police to make a report. The 911 operator asked me if the plant thief was in my house. I indicated that he was not. She asked me if the value of your plants that was taken more then $5,000. I paused for a moment and thought. This must be a trick question. If I say no, does she tell me to go Home Depot and buy some more? If I say yes, I am sure her response would be, "No, they're not!"

I was flumexed. The best I could come up with was, "Well, they're not worth $5,000 but they are precious to me." Precious? I haven't used that word since I told my first girlfriend when I was about 9 years old that the ring I gave her had a precious stone.

Her response was in a polite but impatient tone, "Sir, the police cannot respond to your call unless the intruder is in your house or the property stolen is more that $5,000. You can go to District Four on Monday and file a formal report."

"But I said, he, he has been here twice, stealing my cannas!" "Sir, unless he is you house or stole property valued at $5,000, police cannot respond toyour emergency."

I hung up the phone and immediately called Dispatch at District Four. I asked the Sergeant on Duty if that is standard policy about the $5,000 threshold to get a police response. She said, "Who told you that?" I said, "the 911 Operator." She responded, that's not true, I will connect you to the call center."

The call center operator said, "Unless the property stolen is worth $5,000 or more we do send out a police officer." "Well, I said, those caladiums and cannas were precious to me!" I don't believe I was anymore convincing.

Ultimately, a police officer did come out to my house. I showed him the bare spots where my caladiums and cannas once resided. I also told him our precious those plants were. He try to exude some empathy standing in the midday sun in a Kevlar bullet proof vest with a belt full weapons ranging from the not so deadly to the very deadly.

His final words to me were before he got into his cruiser were, "You know my wife really likes her plants too." Somehow that wasn't giving me much solace.

The story did have a happy ending sort of. The perp was arrested later that day climbing over someone else's wall to grab plants. Unfortunately, he was released from the Justice Center that evening.

The good news is he hasn't been back. Nor have my caladiums or cannas miraculously reappeared. If there is a moral in the story, I guess it is this. Never tell a 911 operator that your plants are precious. It really doesn't work. The good news is it will be mum season soon. I wonder what colors the plant thief prefers?