Going Postal ? Let's Hope Not!

Has anybody visited our local Hamilton County Driving Exam Station lately? I lived in central Cincinnati for over 20 years. I am very familiar with the "multi-splendid" nature of our rich and diverse city. I have witnessed the best and worst of the human condition. I must tell you that I was completely caught off guard.

The Exam Station has the most Spartan waiting room. I believe Phil, Todd or Pat (County Commissioners) don’t want any Hamilton County taxpayers to ever think they are wasting taxpayers’ pennies on comfortable chairs, paint colors selected by Martha Stewart or fluorescent lights that don't make everyone look like they have jaundice and are waiting for transplants! The waiting room had the look and feel of a Plasma Center (not that I have visited one recently).

I must say I wasn't properly prepared for the display of potential drivers that came to test their varying driving skills as well. As I sat down in a chair that was probably going to be soon sent to Abu Graib, I scanned the Exam Station. There was a woman nearly my age and my weight standing in line wearing a t-shirt that had "porn star" emblazoned on its back. I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of person gets up in the morning and says to herself, "You know I should put on my porn star t-shirt because I am taking a driver's exam today!" Did she think the shirt would add bonus points of the driver's exam final grade?

Another potential driver sat down beside me. She was an international student from China. She asked me a few questions. I guess she thought I might have some answers given that I was only person in the center with a tie on. She was very sweet but I had enormous difficulty understanding her. My Mandarin is a little rough around the edges if you know what I mean. Naturally, the driver's examiner butchered her name when he called it out. I looked her way and told her she was being called to take the driver's test. She nodded appreciatively and followed the examiner out the door. It would have been fun sitting in the back seat and listening in while the examiner asked her to begin the maneuverability portion of the test. I wondered how his Mandarin is these days? I did hope she passes the test.

While my son was out with his examiner, an older gentleman approached the counter and asked a question of the driver's examiner on duty. I couldn't hear all that was being said but the exchange got heated. The older gentleman slammed his fist a couple of times and slapped his papers on the counter. Everyone in the waiting room got their undivided attention even the porn star's entourage. Finally, he stormed out mumbling something. The examiner at the desk first sighed and winked at me. Why me, I don't know. He then said, "Let's hope he doesn't go postal on us!" I could only smile in return. I wondered does the concealed weapon law apply to Driving Exam Stations?

After my son passed his driver's test, we then had to get in line for his driver's license. I asked my son what he got on his driver's test. He showed me the score and said, "95 out of 100." I asked him what was the lowest passing score. He said, "75." I guess the person in front of my son overheard my question. He turned around and said, "I got a 75 on the test because I drove through a stop sign. You know I used to drive on the most dangerous road in Florida all the time. I never killed anyone." He was one of those people we have all have interacted with that engages you in conversation even though you never say anything. He answered most of his own questions. He tended to blink a great deal and fondled something in his pocket. I guess he passed the exam too.

I was proud of my son for passing the test. He really is a very safe driver. I looked back at the waiting room. Porn star and her entourage were gone. Mr. Postal hadn't returned. And Mr. Florida found someone else to talk to. I guess it was a typical day at the Driver's Exam Station. The last thing I said to my son as we got into our car to drive home was, "This is why I keep saying you got to drive defensively out there." You know for the first time in a long time he didn't disagree with me.