The "Let's Help Dick Nap Campaign"

Yesterday, Vice President Dick Cheney once again made some rather bellicose claims about Iran. Apparently, he is ready to send in the marines or the cruise missiles to bomb them back to the Stone Age. Later that same day, he found time to take a quick cat nap during a Cabinet Meeting. Dick is either filled with paranoia and rage or shuts down for a few winks. There apparently is no middle ground for our Neo-Con shoot them first Veep. He’s either ready to shoot now and aim later or rollover and snore.

Here some recent examples of the Vice President nodding off into dreamy land.




For most of us who still have a few reservations and concerns about the viability and rationale for war with Iran, we need to encourage more of Dick’s latter behavior rather than the former. What can we do to ensure Vice President Cheney’s sleeps through the next 16 months of W’s Presidency? If we can find ways to help Dick to get drowsy eyes, the more likely we can avoid WWW III in the Middle East.

Here are some ideas that I have cooked for what I label my “Let’s Help Dick Nap!” Campaign.

1. Tie him up in a chair and force him to watch any recent movie featuring Lindsey Lohan.
2. In the same chair, have him watch reruns of George Stephanopoulos interviewing Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.
3. After watching Condy Rice, force him to listen to excerpts from his wife’s novel, “The Body Politic: a Novel.”
4. Serve him hot turkey and gravy sandwiches for lunch followed by large piece of New York Cheese Cake.
5. Force him to watch W’s most recent State of the Union Address.
6. Keep him tied up, put him in an airplane blindfolded and fly him to REDACTED for an intense but entirely legal interrogation by the CIA. Oops, I’m sorry I want him asleep not comatose!
7. Force him to watch one of the recent Republican Presidential Debates. Any of them!
8. Have him take a hot bath and then have a professional manicure and pedicure. (It may not make him fall to sleep, but it will make him a nicer person.)
9. Force him to watch CSAPN when Joe Lieberman gets up to address the Senate.
10. Slip some Rozerem into Dick’s daily IV drip.

If you have some suggestions, please forward them to Fatboy Tom’s new “Let’s Help Dick Nap” campaign.