The politics of pppppandering!

Pander as a Verb

-to pander (third-person singular simple present panders, present participle pandering, simple past pandered, past participle pandered)
-(intransitive) To offer illicit sex with a third party; to pimp.
-(intransitive) To tempt with, to appeal to (improper motivations etc.); to assist in the gratification of.
"His latest speech simply panders to the worst instincts of the electorate."

The Iowa Caucuses are not until January. Already, we had to live through a least 100 Presidential Debates. Or it seems that way. Most of the candidates have been fund raising since Gutenberg invented movable type.

I am suffering from campaign fatigue. Obama, Hillary, Mitt, Rudy and the rest of the wannabees are overexposed, overanalyzed and are over-reaching. We continue to hear from the talking heads on cable news that this campaign started way too early and money raising will ultimately define who will win the nominations in either party. Yet, the same nitwits invite these money vacuums on to their shows for interviews and dissect the good and the bad of the various campaigns ad nauseam. At the same time they bemoan how this new era of Presidential campaigning has become a circus of sound bites, fundraisers and gotcha moments. It is a never-ending cycle of fawning, castigating and then more fawning.

Frankly, most of what all the candidates are saying on the stump or during their contrived debates is irrelevant to the grit and reality we are living in right now. The Democrats and Republicans pander to their base voters who actually will go to the caucuses in Iowa and vote in the primaries. These people who watch these debates and are actually paying attention to what these candidates say reside in a parallel universe. They have no children, trouble falling asleep at night or no mortgages to pay.

In a recent poll of so-called evangelical white voters, the top two issues were Iraq and health care. Same sex marriage, immigration and abortion were at the bottom of the list of concerns. Yet, if you watched any of Republican debates or stump speeches, all the candidates climb over each other to express their hatred of illegal aliens, gay people and their love for the so-called unborn. These folks in the conservative base of the GOP apparently will only vote for candidates who love fetuses and hate any foreigners south of Texas, homosexuals north of Mexico, and anyone else who doesn’t believe our ancestors rode on dinosaurs.

The Democrats pander in different ways. Although they don’t play the race or fear card like our Republican counterparts, they make proclamations that are unrealistic or downright stupid. Almost all Democrats want out of the Iraqi morass and regret deeply the present condition of our foreign policy and standing in the world. Barack Obama, John Edwards and others proclaim if they are elected they will withdraw from Iraq immediately. There is no way in hell we can pick up and leave Iraq within 3 months, 6 months or a year. Their policy people know that and yet the candidates pander to our naive wishes. It is pandering. Perhaps not as bad as the seven dwarfs on the GOP side but it still is pandering to the very narrow corner of the Democratic Party that will take an active role in the upcoming primaries.

Let’s commit ourselves to ignore the next three months of Presidential politics. We have Halloween candy, Thanksgiving Turkey and Christmas cookies to focus on. Personally, I prefer to learn more about salacious details regarding Larry Craig’s wide stance, Paris Hilton’s difficulty buying an airline ticket to Rwanda, or why Ellen DeGeneres can’t house train her dog. These are real stories, affecting real people with real pathos. That Presidential political stuff is all puffery, posturing and pretense.

“People in Hollywood are not showmen, they're maintenance men, pandering to what they think their audiences want.”
Terry Gilliam, movie maker and original member of Monty Python.

The "Let's Help Dick Nap Campaign"

Yesterday, Vice President Dick Cheney once again made some rather bellicose claims about Iran. Apparently, he is ready to send in the marines or the cruise missiles to bomb them back to the Stone Age. Later that same day, he found time to take a quick cat nap during a Cabinet Meeting. Dick is either filled with paranoia and rage or shuts down for a few winks. There apparently is no middle ground for our Neo-Con shoot them first Veep. He’s either ready to shoot now and aim later or rollover and snore.

Here some recent examples of the Vice President nodding off into dreamy land.




For most of us who still have a few reservations and concerns about the viability and rationale for war with Iran, we need to encourage more of Dick’s latter behavior rather than the former. What can we do to ensure Vice President Cheney’s sleeps through the next 16 months of W’s Presidency? If we can find ways to help Dick to get drowsy eyes, the more likely we can avoid WWW III in the Middle East.

Here are some ideas that I have cooked for what I label my “Let’s Help Dick Nap!” Campaign.

1. Tie him up in a chair and force him to watch any recent movie featuring Lindsey Lohan.
2. In the same chair, have him watch reruns of George Stephanopoulos interviewing Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.
3. After watching Condy Rice, force him to listen to excerpts from his wife’s novel, “The Body Politic: a Novel.”
4. Serve him hot turkey and gravy sandwiches for lunch followed by large piece of New York Cheese Cake.
5. Force him to watch W’s most recent State of the Union Address.
6. Keep him tied up, put him in an airplane blindfolded and fly him to REDACTED for an intense but entirely legal interrogation by the CIA. Oops, I’m sorry I want him asleep not comatose!
7. Force him to watch one of the recent Republican Presidential Debates. Any of them!
8. Have him take a hot bath and then have a professional manicure and pedicure. (It may not make him fall to sleep, but it will make him a nicer person.)
9. Force him to watch CSAPN when Joe Lieberman gets up to address the Senate.
10. Slip some Rozerem into Dick’s daily IV drip.

If you have some suggestions, please forward them to Fatboy Tom’s new “Let’s Help Dick Nap” campaign.

Chartered by Whom and for What?

In a parallel universe, the state of Ohio is handing over nearly $540 million of tax money to 300 private enterprises providing basic services that also are provided by state and locally financed agencies. The intent is to create greater competition and choice so that the consumer is not solely dependent only on the publicly supported agencies. Because of competition and choice, the privately run enterprises should in theory provide better services. There is little or no oversight of the business and management practices of these enterprises. They can operate with a much larger degree of flexibility and independence that the state supported ones. Given our undying faith in power of the marketplace and need to offer choice, one would assume that the privately run agencies would provide better service and outperform the state run enterprises.

Unfortunately, that isn't the case. This Ohio experiment has been an abysmal failure. The privately run agencies with public funds, charter schools, have been an enormous disappointment. Fifty-seven percent of these schools are either in Academic Watch or Academic Emergency and the State Attorney plans on closing 30 very soon because of illegal business and management practices. Of our publicly funded schools, only 12% are either in Academic Watch or Academic Emergency. Over $2.7 billion have been allocated to charter schools in Ohio for past 10 years and this is the result.

If these were not charter schools that were receiving the funds, can you imagine how loud our cave man caucus (state legislature) in Columbus would be screaming about wasting tax dollars? Somehow because our Republican led house and state senate hold on to specious notions that school choice works, they continue to pour money down this rat hole of educational failure.

On the national level, charter schools have not faired any better. In a recent study compiled by the Department of Education, fourth graders attending charter schools in urban settings consistently tested lower in math and science than did children from the same socioeconomic setting in publicly-funded urban schools. These disparities are consistent when comparing students by race, income or geography.

Millions of tax dollars are turned over to these schools, and in most cases, to private companies who run charter schools with no oversight by the state of Ohio. These schools are not required to meet many of state requirements that do public schools. If students are not performing or are expelled for behavioral issues, they are disappeared. They become the problems of the public schools.

The wing nuts that continue to advocate for choice in schools will ignore these data or trash these studies. They really don't want to come out and admit that their support for private or charter schools has very little to do with improving student performance. Their irrational advocacy for school choice is grounded in their suspicion and mistrust of all forms of public education due to their religious or personal beliefs. Don't bother them with the data or the facts, competition and choice is just one-way to dismantle the common good public education has brought to this country. Deregulation or competition may work in particular areas to reduce costs and improve some efficiencies. Unfortunately, it does not and will not work in schooling or airline travel. Schools are just too important to leave up the whims and vagaries of the marketplace. And airline travel? Has anyone recently flown out of JFK in New York? What a nightmare!

The Swiftboating of Johannes Kepler

A Recent Program on a Reputable Cable News Station:

TV Talking Heads Show Host: “Good evening ladies and gentlemen. There continues to be a great deal of controversy about Al Gore’s Nobel Peace Prize. To ensure fair and balanced coverage of this recent announcement and implications for public policy in this country and the world, we have invited 2 experts to come to the studio to discuss the fallout from the recent Nobel Prize announcement. Is global warming real? And will Al Gore’s new celebrity help advance the cause to combat global warming?

We are fortunate to have Dr. Johannes Kepler, a well-regarded astronomer and mathematician, is recognized for first advancing the theory that all planets including the earth moved in an elliptical orbit around the sun. His mathematical computations were a major scientific breakthrough in the 17th century. His theory changed science and astronomy forever.

And to make sure we cow tow to the right wing nut cases in this country under the pretense of being fair and balanced, we also have on our show, Dwayne Fuchs, a lifelong Republican, a state representative from Salinas County, Kansas, and a co-chair of the Brownback for President Committee. Mr. Fuchs refutes Al Gore’s assertions that global warming is man made and doesn’t believe the earth rotates around the sun.”

Dr. Kepler: “Thank you, Mr. Talking Head. I am really not a climatologist and have been dead for over 400 hundred years. Nevertheless, I do believe in the scientific method and reject superstitious beliefs. Therefore, when there is scientific evidence that is substantial and there is a established consensus among almost all scientists that global warming is real and a danger to our world, I believe we should be concerned.”

Mr. Fuchs: “This is another example of the moveon.org’s and secular humanists’ efforts to undermine the American way of life. Everyone knows life started in the first chapter of Genesis and the earth is only 6,000 years old. I know many authors that I can cite on the World Wide Web who believe the earth is flat and the sun is stationary in the sky.”

TV Talking Head: “Mr. Fuchs makes a good point there Dr. Kepler. He has his experts and you have yours. Which set of experts can the American people trust?”

Dr. Kepler: “I am not familiar with the experts Mr. Fuch’s references. Remember, I am dead and don’t know anything about the World Wide Web. Is that a new institute in Vienna?”

Mr. Fuchs: “Once again we have a European telling us Kansans what to believe and what not to believe. The American people know God. They don’t what Europeans or other foreigners telling us their crazy theories about gravity, the earth is round or car exhaust is melting glaciers in Switzerland.”

TV Talking Head: “Once again, Mr. Fuchs makes a good point Dr. Kepler. Isn’t this effort by Al Gore and the UN to combat global warming a way to erode USA sovereignty and a slippery slope to a one world government?”

Dr. Kepler: “I am not familiar with this UN or a one world government. I lived in Styria under the influence of the Bundesländer of Austria. I thought I was asked to appear today to provide my support for good science and why we need to support advances in scientific discovery. I lived in an era where people were governed by fear, their prosaic religious beliefs and superstition. Astrology was often confused with astronomy. In my small way, I helped to show that science and math could help us learn much more our world and the solar system. I believe Mr. Gore is trying to do the same thing.”

Mr. Fuchs: “Once again, Kepler is belittling my religious beliefs and the beliefs of many other God-fearing Americans. If he is the kind of person who supports Al Gore, then we are really in trouble. My beliefs are just as valid as his. After all didn’t you, Mr. TV Talking Head, invite me on this program to provide a fair and balance debate?”

TV Talking Head: “That’s right Mr. Fuchs, on this network we try to make sure that both points-of-view are properly represented. I am not in a position to judge which opinion is more valid than the other. Do you have any closing comments Dr. Kepler?”

Dr. Kepler: “Not really. I’ve been dead for four hundred years and my throat is a little dry. Do have any wine to drink?”

Mr. Fuchs: “Kepler keeps avoiding the issue. When he is on the hot seat he apparently needs alcohol. He knows and we all know George Soros and his fellow travelers are behind this global warming scam. I am introducing legislation in the Kansas House tomorrow morning to deny visas to any Swedish citizen who tries to visit this country. If they want to welcome Al Gore to their country, by God we don’t have to let any of them into our country.”

TV Talking Head: “Thank you, Mr. Fuchs and Dr. Kepler for visiting with us today. I think we have shed some important light on this very controversial topic.”

Dr. Kepler: “What? No wine? You only have water? We don’t think water, it carries bad bile. Don’t you have some hard cider or beer? I am very thirsty.”

Autobahn Driving

My wife and I have been to Germany many times over the past 25 years. We have witnessed many changes during that time. One that is most obvious is the increasing congestion on all the roads including the famed German autobahns. I can remember in the early 80s many autobahns posted no speed limits.

We were driving a VW Jetta at the time. It was designed to American specifications because we were shipping it back to the states once we returned after living in Europe for about two years. Many autobahns only had two lanes then. You either were stuck in the slower right lane with trucks and 3-wheel Citroens or you would use the passing lane. Using the passing lane was something you did not do without some degree of caution.

Once in the passing lane, it was not uncommon to be driving faster than my American speedometer could measure. Back then, my speedometer only went to 85 mph. On numerous ocassions, the needle inched up to 85 and stayed there. I really had no idea how fast I was going. This was often the case just to stay in the traffic flow.

It was not uncommon, even at that speed, to have large a Mercedes or BMW pulling up behind you with flashing lights apparently from hyper space nudging you back into the right lane. Once they passed, you then would return to the left lane with a horizonatal reading on your speedometer. My Jetta handled this kind of driving remarkebly well. At 75 mph the car would vibrate a little and would remain vibrating for a short period of time. Shortly after passing the 85 mph threshold, it would stop vibrating and apparently float very comfortably down the highway.

In the past twenty years, things have changed along German highways. Although German roads are built to the highest quality and are constantly under repair, there is too much traffic to have many places with large tracks of unposted speed limits on the autobahn. Even with the price of gas inching up to about $5.50 a gallon, the Germans love to drive their cars and so do the French, Czechs, Poles, etc. Apparently everyone in Europe is driving on the German autobahns.

I know this may frustrate many Germans who love high performance cars and speed. This frustration is very apparent among many German drivers. When they have those short stretches with no posted speeds, they go like a bat of hell! Even if is just for a few kilometers, they drive like it may be their last time to push the accelerator past 220 klm. They invariably must slow down very quickly due to traffic snarls or posted speed limits. It's brief periods of incredible speed followed by long interludes of road construction and congestion,

We flew back to the states last Sunday from Frankfurt. We were visiting relatives in Stuttgart and left about 7:30 AM for a 12:00 Noon flight. Stuttgart is about 210 km from the airport. My German cousing drives a brand new E-Class Mercedes. The trip took only about an hour and 30 minutes. Although there was some traffic, posted speed limits and much road repair, he was able to inch the speedometer past 230 klm once or twice. In mph, that's nearing 144!

I must admit at 144 mph the view out the car window is quite different. Individual trees become impressionists' palates of fuzzy Autumn colors. Sunflower fields appear to be carpets of yellow. It really is hard to carry on a normal conversation with others in the car. My wife sitting in the backseat avoids looking at the speedometer. Her hands are locked on the sidedoor handles as if somehow that will protect her from the various G forces we are all feeling.

Not surprisingly, we got to the airport in plenty of time. My cousin is a great driver who loves his car like most Germans. The traffic jam or "stau" is a way of life in the US and Germany.

Returning Home

Fatboy has been out of the country for the past two weeks. We were visiting relatives in Germany. I have some impressions of my trip that I will be sharing soon.