Their Private Parts Corrupt their Public Pronouncements

Now I know why some Republicans didn’t want Congress to pass a Stimulus Package. Senator Ensign and Governor Sanford were already too stimulated.

This is a sad chapter in an ongoing soap opera called the Republican Party. The party is controlled by wingnuts looking for conspiracies and black UN helicopters, religious crazies and self-righteous moralizers, and tea baggers who believe the Confederacy will rise again. I am not sure who I feel sorry for more-the spouses and friends of these hypocrites who wrap themselves in vestments of moral and religious superiority or those true believers who give money and attention to these Grade B political hacks.

I am not surprised the Gingrich’s, Livingston’s’, Foley’s, Craig’s, Ensign’s and now the Sanford’s of this country let their private parts somehow corrupt their public pronouncements. Our friends on the Democratic side of the aisle, Spitzer, Edwards, and Big Bill are also prone to letting their libidos trump their better sense.

Remember, they all aspired to be in politics. History tells us over and over again that the political life has far more opportunities to indulge in financial and personal corruption than most other professions. Most politicians were once geeking teenagers with lots of acne, bad haircuts and pocket pen protectors, They just aren’t prepared for the rich array women and or men and lobbyists fawning all over them.

What I really don’t understand is how so many political sycophants and voters offer up their unbridled support for these political hacks that profess overly religious and moral pronouncements on complex social issues. Sadly, those voters and supporters are the ones getting burned again and again.

Do these hypocritical politicians really believe what they publicly profess? Or are they just like other politicians who use their transparent religiosity to advance their careers? I guess some of these overly religious politicians start as true believers and soon find out that this approach brings with it financial support and accolades from voters who are desperately seeking someone who will save them. They reduce highly complex issues into overly simplified views of what is right and wrong for a broad swath of the electorate who cry out for someone to tell them what to do. It becomes a symbiotic relationship.

The more events and issues became too overwhelming to comprehend, these scripture quoting politicians offer a portion of electorate a safe harbor in a very complicated world. Mark Sanford over time began to believe that he really was morally superior to others because his followers reminded him everyday of his self-evident greatness and moral wisdom. Remember, W’s minions use to say, “We are faith-based and not reality-based.”

I wish we could judge politicians more on their collected body of work on behalf of their states or districts than their personal behavior. The problem is the Mark Sanford’s of this world set themselves up for failure because they ask us to evaluate their actions in both their public and private lives. I don’t know many politicians that could pass such a test. Few of us could. I know I couldn’t.

I just gulped when I heard Governor Sanford start his press conference with overly religious parables to frame his confession of adultery. I feel sorry for his wife, children and all of those true believers who once again are hoodwinked into believing his pseudo-religious anointing as a public servant. It is so tiresome and contrived.

A Moldovan Haircut

After work I drove by one of those discount hair salons that advertise, “Walk-ins Welcome.” Well, I walked in. I was very fortunate. There was no one in front of me so the stylist said, “Come on back.” That should have been my first warning. She had a vague Eastern European or Near Asian accent that I could not place, Moldovan, Czech, Uzbecki. She asked, “Vat do you vant?”

These are the moments that separate the oldsters from the youngsters. My hair, what I have left, was a mess. It clearly needed a good mowing. I said, “Just clean it up. Off the collar and my ears. What’s left, I part on the right side.” If I was younger and still had more hair, I would have been more detailed in my instructions. These simple instructions have worked in the past. She responded, “Very good.”

At this point, I closed my eyes and relaxed back into my barber’s chair. Just as I relaxed and reflected on my day, I heard this whirring sound. It was not an electronic trimmer buzzing sound. It clearly was a whirring, like a grass trimmer. Miss Moldova pulled out this machine that the Bush Administration would probably not use to torture an Al Qaeda operative. It had these blades that moved in circular fashion that she then applied to my scalp. It simultaneously cut and pulled hair from the root. After she was done, I took a glance at the mirror. She apparently decided to attack the undergrowth first. What remained was a tuft of thick hair on the top of my head and very long strands that dangled around my ears. She then said something like, “You veel lighter?” I said, “Excuse me. I don’t understand.” “You much veel lighter with no hair.”

I am not that vain, but I was becoming increasingly concerned. My first thought was, “I hope she is done.” I said, “Yes, I feel lighter. You aren’t done are you?” She laughed and said, “No, no, no. we have just begunning.” At this point, I had no options but to let Miss Moldova continue.

She did some clipping with the scissors around my ears. I felt a tad better. I thought the worst was over. In a flash, she then pulled out the grass trimmer and went at it on the back on my neck. I cringed and acquiesced. What choice did I have? After some more plucking and trimming, she stopped and said, “You OK?” I said, “Yes.” “We almost done,” she said. I guess the “we” she was referring to was her and her circular three-bladed grass trimmer. There was a faint smell of burning oil.

Finally, she put her tools down after a few minutes and announced, “You finished.” I was mostly keeping my eyes closed during the procedure. I opened one eye and realized that she didn’t believe in parting hair. She trimmed so much, there wasn’t anything left to part!

She then announced, “You need to make gel. Not so much, just some for top of your head.” I agreed with her fearing that if I didn’t she would get out the smoking trimmer again. She offered to trim my eyebrows. I said, “Thank you, but I will do it when I get home.” Who knows what gas powered lawn care device she would employ to trim my eyebrows.

I got up out of the chair and thanked her. Her final comments to me were, “You have strong hair on your head vere it isn’t bald.” I guess that was a Moldovan compliment.

I paid my bill and left. When I got home, I did take a glance in the mirror. I was surprised that my skull is more mishapen than I expected. I have a Appalachian folded mountain ridge running the length of my head. I haven’t see it for nearly 45 years. My wife told me that I now look like one of the older men holding handwritten placards at a Teabagging Rally.

Sean Knows Torture, Apparently I Don't!

Poor Sean Hannity has boxed himself into a corner. Last Sunday night, Charles Grodin asked him if he would be willing to be waterboarded. Sean, without hesitation, said yes. So far I have not heard when Mr. Hannity plans on being strapped down and doused with water in his nostrils and mouth. He indicated he is willing to do it for charity. I for one would be happy to donate a few bucks to his charity of choice to see him actually consent to this sadistic practice.

Frankly, I don’t see it happening very soon. I was wondering though. Sean continues to assert that waterboarding isn’t torture. It is just one element in a varied course of enhanced interrogation techniques. I have come up with a few other enhanced interrogation techniques for Sean if he isn’t willing to be waterboarded. Perhaps he will be willing to submit to one of these:

1. Having his prostate examined by Dr. Phil on his TV program.
2. Cleaning the bathtub drain after former Vice President Cheney has taken a bath.
3. Sorting William Bennett’s dirty laundry into whites and darks.
4. Reading the transcriptions of the divorce proceedings from Newt Gingrich’s three failed marriages on Sean’s TV program.
5. Cleaning out Ann Coulter’s refrigerator.
6. Spending an entire weekend strapped to a chair watching every DVD that features Lindsay Lohan.
7. Sitting all day in Rush Limbaugh’s radio studio after Rush and Sean spent the preceding evening drinking cheap beer and eating baseball park nachos with lots of jalapenos.
8. Inviting Fred Barnes onto his TV program to read his favorite passages from his “best seller,” Rebel in Chief: How George W. Bush Is Redefining the Conservative Movement and Transforming America.
9. Helping Senator Larry Craig design a man cave for his basement.
10. Watching Todd Palin gut and clean a reindeer.

Sean still may believe these are only enhanced techniques. To me, these are all torture!

http://thinkprogress.org/2009/05/01/hannity-chicken/

266 Times!

C.I.A. interrogators used waterboarding, the near-drowning technique, 266 times on two key prisoners from Al Qaeda.The C.I.A. officers used waterboarding at least 83 times in August 2002 against Abu Zubaydah and 183 times in March 2003 against Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the self-described planner of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

As someone who passed high school math, I figure that Abu Zubaydah was waterboarded about 3 times a day for 31 consecutive days and Mohammed was given the same treatment about 17 times a day in August 2002.

If former Vice President Cheney and the other neocon apologists believe so strongly that waterboarding or "aggressive interrogation techniques" were so effective, why so may treatments?

Given what I have learned from reading about this grisly practice, I would probably admit to practically anything after my first time being strapped down and waterboarded! If three treatments a day for seven days didn't do the magic, why would another 24 days provide anymore valuable intelligence? I really don't understand.

This practice was implemented in an overheated atmosphere of hysteria and desperation shortly after 9-11. Many of us wanted vengeance and retribution for the 9-11 attacks. I can easily see how reasonable people confronted with the risk of future terrorism would endorse practically any or all interrogation techniques that would thwart future attacks. This country has a history of ignoring civil rights and other constitutional protections when confronted with crises. Don't bother me with the details just get the intelligence we need!

True leaders with moral compasses even in the overheated atmosphere following 9-11 should know when not to cross the boundaries of decency or step outside the rule of law. This is torture if it is conducted on an individual once. It is criminal and sadistic to do it 82 or 182 times more.

John "The Tanning Bed Master" Offers a Science Lesson

Given this is Earth Day, I am committed not to pass gas today as my modest contribution.

Minority Leader John Boehner is from a district just north of Cincinnati. Yes, folks he really is an intellectual lightweight and often a flat out embarrassment. His district is just a stone's throw away from another GOP heavyweight, Jean Schmidt.

Hypocrisy Perfected!

The right wing members of the Catholic Church continue to stomp their feet and pout. They just can't stand the notion that Notre Dame has invited President Obama to speak at Commencement this May. Under the pretense that Obama is "pro-abortion," they believe Obama's values are inconsistent with the spiritual teachings of the Catholic Church. Even the local Archbishop in Cincinnati has jumped on the anti-Obama bandwagon..

When former President Bush spoke at Notre Dame's Commencement in 2001, I don't believe I heard the same outcry from the Cardinal Newman Society or my local Archbishop. If the "culture of life" litmus test determines who should be invited to Notre Dame, it is a new exam.

Former President Bush, although anti-abortion, was a strong advocate for capital punishment. During his tenure as the Governor of Texas, Bush approved 131 executions; more than any other state. I am not a Catholic theologian but the last time I checked, I believe the Roman Catholic Church consistently opposed all forms of capital punishment.

As a newly elected President, the more conservative members of the Catholic Church and Notre Dame welcomed Mr. Bush with open arms. I do respect the religious beliefs of others. Persons of integrity can honestly disagree with Obama's stance on choice. In this instance, I believe this far more about political grandstanding than a genuine disagreement regarding abortion.

The GOP's New Solutions Center

Eric Cantor, John Boehner and other intellectual giants who lead the minority in the House are going to to establish a "Solutions Center" as a way to combat the negative attention they have received in the past few months. They are frustrated with the label as the "Party of No" and believe the Center idea will help frame their ideas and improve their stock with the voting public. The mission appears to be as much about repackaging long-standing principles as it is about offering brand-new ideas for each debate. Cantor’s Solutions Center often restates proposals Republicans offered as their alternatives to the president’s plans.

A GOP Solutions Center is a political oxymoron. When has the Grand Old Party offered any REAL solutions to the economic crisis in the past year? Or to resolve our most serious foreign policy challenges? So far all I have heard from the most vocal members of the party of ideas is that President Obama is a socialist, we should cut taxes for the wealthiest Americans, and Rush Limbaugh is always right. And now some GOP governors and House members will be joining the teabaggers on April 15th to protest against the TARP outlays, deficit spending, derivative investing and tax policies promulgated by their fellow travelers in the Bush Administration. Teabagging is either a trumped up protest desperately looking for a culprit to blame or something Larry Craig would deny engaging in.

I do have this image of mad Eric, John, and their ally, Michelle Bachman, ensconced in a laboratory under the Capitol Building mixing together weird solutions in test tubes trying to find the right formula to combat the Obama express. The problem is Eric will only work where he can repeatedly see his own image and the new Solutions Center has no mirrors. John can't be more than a five minute walk from a tanning bed. And Michelle, well Michelle is just too busy converting her dollars into gold to devote any time to working in the Center.

The Solutions Center is just another lame brain political gimmick. It sounds like something at a Home Depot to help homeowners find a new paint color for their living room or get rid of moles in their yards. Please GOP...you have to do better than this.