Portions Should be the Size of My Head
Fatboy Tom is back! Needless to say it has been some time since I offered my keen insights and biting sarcasm. First, the holiday season was just too damn busy! Second, I need some inspiration. Third, I am notoriously lazy.
Parodying some of the buffoonery that is regularly exhibited on the Presidential campaign trail is just too easy and frankly stale. For the record, I really find “Tweety” Chris Matthews to be an absolute dolt. He is enamored with his squeaky voice and just can’t help trashing the Clintons whenever he has the opportunity. The stuff he bilged about Hillary during the New Hampshire Primary was just outrageous. I go back to one of his choice comments that he repeated during the Iowa Caucuses. He kept on saying, “Well over two thirds of the Democratic electorate are rejecting Hillary Clinton this evening. This should be of grave concern for the Hillary and her campaign.” I’m sitting here listening to his spin and thinking, “Using Tweety logic, didn’t 2/3d’s of the participants in the Democratic Caucuses also reject Obama and Edwards?”
The caucuses were not about rejecting candidates but exhibiting voters’ preferences. I am sure those Democrats that stood in a particular corner of the room for Obama will most likely vote for Hillary or Edwards in the general election against any of the pretenders running as Republicans. Tweety’s anti-Clinton antics are becoming legendary. I did love it when Mr. Montana Ranch, Tom Brokaw, reminded, Tweety, that it is important to the let the voters decide and not the pundits after Tweety was flummoxed by the New Hampshire primary victory for Hillary.
Enough about politics…….
I was at the YMCA exercising last night. While I was stretching my hamstrings, I glanced at an old copy of “Shape,” a women’s fitness magazine. It was open to page about, you guessed it, “healthy eating.” For most of us foodies the title of the article is an oxymoron. It is not about reducing bad fats or using fresh ingredients. I am all over that. It’s about portion size.
This article was touting how you can make a piece of pita bread into a wonderful pizza by adding sauté vegetables, some herbs and a few slivers of low fat cheese. Now most pita bread slices are about 8 inches in diameter. Once you add a few vegetables and some micron slices of cheese, it still does not become dinner. It remains just that, a piece of pita bread with some stuff on top. The editors of “Shape” are delusional if they think anyone will walk away from reading this article and start having an 8-inch pita with stuff as their primary source of calories for the day.
I am sure there are those women readers who will try to limit themselves to one pita with stuff and find out very soon that they are still hungry and will remain hungry until they find some rice cakes to consume! Women who try to meet “Shape’s” dietary expectations and fail to limit their intake to one pita with stuff will walk away feeling guilty and gluttoness! The guilt will translate into depression and ultimately to a late night date with a pint of the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.
It is not only Shape Magazine that perpetuates this false narrative about healthy eating. Has anyone tried to live on Healthy Choice entrees? I mean actually live on them? They clearly are smaller than a pita pizza.
My general philosophy is a portion should be about the size of my head and not my gall bladder. Most Healthy Choice entrees are promoted with coupons that offer the buyer two for one. There is a reason for that. Unless, you plan on joining Mahatma Gandhi for a long slow fast, the only way to eat healthy choice entrees is in multiples of two! And you still need that pita pizza in reserve to hold off late night hunger pangs.
I am all for eating healthier. And we should limit the total number of calories. I just think this obsession with dieting and body image is ruinous to most people. Very few people have the will power or they come from a pre-determined gene pool that inhibits their ability to live up to the stupid and unrealistic expectations promulgated by our popular culture and Shape Magazine.
By the way, our friends at Weight Watchers have caught on to this idea. I just saw a commercial for Weight Watchers with a byline, “Diets don’t work!” They have been marketing their diet plan for years, and at the same time, making a fortune on every person who joins and rejoins their program. You no longer are just dieting; you are altering your lifestyle. You still buy their stupid food products and go to their meetings. Marketing is often about repackaging.
Give me a dinner the size of my head and I am happy. Feed me an 8-inch pita with stuff and I will eat two Healthy Choice entrees, 8 rice cakes and still have room for a pint of Ben and Jerry’s!
